It cant be!!!

Why do i have this sinking feeling at the pit of my stomach? I just feel like someone is not telling me the truth. Someone is hiding something from me and I feel like that thing could change my world. Lord please give me guidance. Am i just imagining things? am i being paranoid? could this just be the rantings of a crazy woman?

There is little evidence to support my view but it IS evidence. If i were right it would be damning.If i am wrong it sounds pedantic. Wish i never knew about this in the first place.I feel i was lied to but i have no proof.I feel threatened yet my enemy remains unknown. My dreams are plagued with a theme that wont leave. I wake up in tears and sweat yet the remain unsubstantiated.

Does my past haunt me and threaten my future of is my past threatening to become my future? I wish i had answers but right now all i have are empty feelings or impending doom and a hollow sens of guilt.Deep inside i hope I am wrong, but time will tell.Lord help me make it. I pray you reveal to me the truth so that i can find peace.

Love

What is love?
you could search all of eternity
search forever and still not have an answer.

we can feel love and give love and we say God is love, but who can really claim to know God fully?

Sigh!

How do I begin to say how much change I have gone through since February? Firstly not being financially independent truly sucks and secondly, being far away from home is a major downer.
I miss my family, miss my friends, my job, my students, my home, miss the familiarity and comfort of Malawi.
I will see you soon my beloved country and all the treasured you hold for me. Until then…….

Whither my heart

Whither goest thou my heart
My ever wandering heart?

know ye not that I have found our sole pursuit?
Blind art thou to this our rapture?
why seekest ye what ye hath found
Or hath ye searched so long
that ye forget what it is ye seeketh?

Be still my heart and listen to thine own beating
hearken to thine own rhythm and realize you need not go
hither and thither serching...

whither my heart
be still and hear thine own voice
Be still.....

Be free... be you!

I love this piece by Chi (chigomezgo Gondwe). She says

I wanna be free to be me before its too late to be....

I relate. Within the boundaries of my beliefs, reason and fundamental human values, why cant I be me? Why must I cower and hide when my being is majestic, strong and capable of so much more....as long I am not afraid to open myself to myself.

For example, I used to think I had to dress a particular way when there is a funky, eclectic and very individual style that is soooo me and sooo fresh(at least I think so!!)

So go ahead and shine... You are fearfully and wonderfully made in the image of the most loving, beautiful, creative being ever. Your father in heaven gave you a mind and soul, an imagination and a crative nature. He gave you a healthy curiosity with which to explore the world around you. He gave you soooooo much.

Best of all he gave the ability to love...so go ahead start to love in earnest. Start with accepting and loving yourself.

Lingering Hope

You try one
then you try another
the exhaustion is slowly catching up
the weight of it pulls you down
forcing you to give in..
still you cling.....
waiting, trying, hoping

when a ray of light breaks the monotonous night
your heart leaps and joys caresses your lips
but alas! the elation is short lived
broken....
wounded beyond recognition
licking your wounds you retreat once again...

Yet still you cling to that lingering hope
for love made perfect

Music and I

I believe there is a soul purpose for the existence of each of us. For some, its easy to realize their calling in life...their gift.For others it is not that easy....It may take years or even a lifetime for some.

luckily for me, its been easy to figure out my soul purpose because i never had to look hard or very far. My calling is to MUSIC.

Music and I are inseperable...closer than siamese twins. To remove the music from my being is to kill my essence. I cannot explain it any better.... i need to make music, listen to music, teach music...etc. I now the creator gave me other gift, but i believe this one is definitive of Naphi.

when I sing is when I feel most alive.

Can anybody else relate?